Scribbles

About two months ago I honestly started to become bitter towards typical, American Christians. Myself included. This happened to me around the same time last year. I began to feel a staleness about it all. Last time, after this happened, I went to Passion 2010 and started to develop a bit of a heart for the entire world. I started to sort of see the world the way God does, except I hadn’t experienced it for myself yet. So I had this newly found and adopted fire inside of me but I was still here. In May I went to Central Asia. I got to help spread the fire of the Gospel. And the fire in me grew, as well. Being in Central Asia made me rely on God for things I didn’t need to rely on Him for here. Things that I had always said I wanted to really depend on God for but because of our society and everything being a hand’s reach away, never had to. Well, there I did have to depend on Him for things like daily comfort, self-worthiness, and belonging. America hands these things to me on a silver platter. Comfort comes in many shapes: 32+ inch T.V. with any type of entertainment you can imagine, portable lap-top, free wi-fi at every corner, any family member just ten digits on a cell-phone and there they are, a puppy wagging it’s tail for you everyday you walk in the door, or being able to get in a car and drive wherever you please. Self-worthiness, for me, can be felt in an array of areas: dating relationships, talents, helping others, good grades, eating well, and exercising. Belonging may not seem like an easy feat anywhere to some, but here in America the possibilities to feel “at home” are endless: an insane amount of clubs/extracurricular activities, church, sports teams, biological family & extended family, or friends. These were the types of things that I found myself missing and having to replace them with God while in Central Asia. And I can’t fully describe how seriously none of these things I have mentioned were offered to me in Central Asia to the extent that they are offered to me here in the states. Well with the exception of friends. The people were so welcoming and ready to be my friend right away. But for the most part, I was lacking the things I listed. Our society wants to numb our needs with these answers that are pumped with steroids. Overrated/fake/temporary enjoyment and satisfaction is the result. When I was stripped of these comforts our society offers, I was able to rely on God for all types of comfort. And it was awesome because I could literally see God working and moving in my life daily. I think that if we push all those distracting things aside, a person in their inner most being has a craving for a certain type of comfort, worthiness, and belonging that I believe only God can offer. So, I guess what I want to get at here is, can I live with that sort of abandonment here in America? If I can’t, I will always want to “run away” from this country in order to be stripped of the temporary satisfaction. And if I can, I will experience God in an amazing, new way. I think what it will take is me challenging myself to get away from the bright and tantalizing things that this world offers and be real with God about my desires. I know that He is my comfort but I am simply blinded by other things all too often. I have never been a routine type of person and I like that about myself, but sometimes its hard to be consistent on a day to day basis when it comes to the time I spend with God. What I mean by time spent with God is reading about Him, learning new things about Him, talking with Him, singing to Him, or being quiet in front of Him and listening. That’s another thing that was “easier” to do while in Central Asia. Since I was forced to rely on Him, I was always running to Him and in a way that I don’t do as often here. I began everyday with God. Because I needed Him everyday. Do I need Him everyday no matter where I am? It’s easy to say yes to that question because I do, but I don’t always live that way. Lately, I have been wanting another tattoo and I have an idea in mind that can sort of go along with this. Romans 10:15 says, “And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!” In this scripture, even though the last sentence starts with “how”, it is not asking a question. This scripture is an exclamation. Me and my team read this verse and prayed over ourselves with this verse before we left the states to go to Central Asia. I want to get a tattoo on my foot that says “how beautiful?” I want the question mark as a reminder to myself, am I bringing the good news to those around me? Am I learning more and more about God so that I can share Him with others? Am I living the way He has called me to live? Or am I stuck in some sort of stale, American culture that my faith gets lost in? I really want to take on this challenge.